"Blame it on programmer art I really just haven't found an artist who can keep up with me or who'd help.
The verts are weighted wrong, and they're making her shoulders poof out. I really need to re-due her one more time."

haha I had the same problem. The shoulders were looking fine, but when I started to animate the shoulders were to big and I couldnt fix it afterwards because otherwise I had to redo some complicated animations.

Anyway in my new game I fixed that for absolutely the same model by simply moving the shoulder bones more inward. Looks much better when the hips are bigger than the shoulders. I would recomment you simply to scale the vertices of the hips larger in Y direction, because the hips are bigger in Y direction as the head. Anyway great game so far.

I don´t understand exactly what you did. But I am to 98% sure that the method I have explained to fix the "clothes" to the model will work. And I like keyboard controls better as mouse controls, because I don´t have to make a menu point where every player can adjust his mousespeed