Thanks to everyone who has replied. I didn't give enough details in the job description, so my appologies for all the confusion.

The urgency for a short story has passed, so for fun I thought I'd turn this into a contest. Please check the Contest forum and submit an entry! http://www.coniserver.net/ubbthreads/showflat.php/Cat/0/Number/657329/an/0/page/0#Post657329