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Pizza-Empire(Intro) #132723
05/30/07 17:46
05/30/07 17:46
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 2,332
Germany, BaWü
aztec Offline OP

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aztec  Offline OP

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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 2,332
Germany, BaWü
Hey there guys I´m now ready to take on a more komplex game I think
I hope that I will get this game finished it shouldn´t be too big but bigger than the other ones.
If I can´t continue I´ll be sure to ask you guys
so for now this is my Intro scene(maybe I´ll ad a car). I know the storyline isnt too good
but I´ll give it a try.
What do you think of this scene? does it have the right ambiente?
let me know what you think C&C welcomed
so here a preview pic(but video is recommented) you can download the trailer too or watch it on youtube
Im also here to present my new Homepage but I hope to find a better Homepage creator


[url=http://rapidshare.com/files/34283961/pizza-empire.wmv.html]High-Res Video
download-Link[/url]

or watch it here
at Youtube

Best Regards
Aztec


Visit:
schwenkschuster-design.de
Re: Pizza-Empire(Intro) [Re: aztec] #132724
05/30/07 17:55
05/30/07 17:55
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,215
I
ISG Offline

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ISG  Offline

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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,215
A few suggestions:

- The background noise is to repititive. I'm going to assume you'll have streets and a city scene around your building to go around the noise you have in the background (cars and things).

- Your text has a double space, if you program it you right you can get it perfect.

- I think it would match better if you lowered the background noise and did an overlay voice that reads what the text says...would sound better.

Just an idea....


Ground Tactics - Coming Soon
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Re: Pizza-Empire(Intro) [Re: ISG] #132725
05/30/07 17:57
05/30/07 17:57
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 4,436
Germany, Luebeck
Xarthor Offline
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Xarthor  Offline
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Posts: 4,436
Germany, Luebeck
I would rework the intro text.
First of all it misses some punctuation marks and there is no "flow" in reading it.
I am no good writer myself but I would use some other structure for the text:
1. let the player know who he is
2. let the player know what the problem is (may included in 1)
3. let the player know how he could solve his problem
4. let the player know what will happen if he fails.

Example:

1935:
This was the worst year you ever had. You are running out of money and lost your job a few days ago.
But there is a bit of hope insight.
An old pub in Chicago went broke and you decided to invest the rest of your little money into it.
Build it up and attract customers to visit your place and make a lot of money.
If you fail you will end somewhere you better would not be.

Re: Pizza-Empire(Intro) [Re: aztec] #132726
05/30/07 18:01
05/30/07 18:01
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 7,439
Red Dwarf
Michael_Schwarz Offline
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Michael_Schwarz  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 7,439
Red Dwarf
Poor or Standart Textures - CHECK
Bad Fonts - CHECK
Bad Text-Formatting - CHECK
Weird grey bars - CHECK

Try to improve that.

Use better textures - They do A LOT, Also shadows help much, just a simple light spot looks ugly. The light-pole also looks very weird- i doubth that that tiny pole can hold that big thing up there

The fonts looks ugly, use a TT-Font instead, something that always comes with Windows - Verdana for instance.

Make the text smaller and let it appear in the center and well formatted. Make it look like a page from a book for example. Looking at the grammar couldn't hurt much as well

The Grey bars are also something very very weird.

If you want, i can make you a small example how i mean that later

Greetings
Mike


"Sometimes JCL reminds me of Notch, but more competent" ~ Kiyaku
Re: Pizza-Empire(Intro) [Re: Michael_Schwarz] #132727
05/30/07 18:17
05/30/07 18:17
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,640
Earth
Germanunkol Offline
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Germanunkol  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,640
Earth
Hm... if you're not, like ISG says, planning on adding a scene around it, at least put a street in there with a few cars driving by, the rest can dissapear in the dark I guess. And then give the pub itself more detail. A rubbish bin infront of it, a brick that's fallen out etc.
I'd scroll the text or something. I know it's not that much text, but it's usually easier to read if the text scrolls through. the reader will be more motivated... too much text at once is entmutigend^^

the rest is nice, especially the cam movement. And the game idea's great!


~"I never let school interfere with my education"~
-Mark Twain
Re: Pizza-Empire(Intro) [Re: Michael_Schwarz] #132728
05/30/07 18:28
05/30/07 18:28
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 2,332
Germany, BaWü
aztec Offline OP

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aztec  Offline OP

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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 2,332
Germany, BaWü
Wow thanks to that many answers so quickly
first I hav eto excuse my grammar probs because
english is not my native speach and Im still in school learning
it(though i have an A in school)
I´ve planed to maybe add rain or snow that trash-can is a nice Idea
and about what Michael said its just a opening scene you will never see that house again during the game its just to know where youre working
and also thanks for that story would you be angry if I just copied it?
I´ll aslo make sure to get some Cars and a Road. I tried to make the gray bars to get something like a FILM effect if you know what I mean
Thx guys for your true answers and I´ll just go and work on what you just said
Regards
Aztec

EDIT: about the Shadow I´M SORRY BUT IM STILL USING THE a6 extra now shadows here unfortunatly
Oh and maybe someone could read the text for me because german-english would sound bad I think I would appriciate that also

Last edited by aztec; 05/30/07 18:31.

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schwenkschuster-design.de
Re: Pizza-Empire(Intro) [Re: aztec] #132729
05/30/07 20:07
05/30/07 20:07
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 2,332
Germany, BaWü
aztec Offline OP

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aztec  Offline OP

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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 2,332
Germany, BaWü
little Update here look.
The light is not so bright
People are walking its raining and car drive
I also added a trash can this was the update for
today kepp C&C comming
Regards
Aztec
PS: text is still the same but new font/position



Visit:
schwenkschuster-design.de
Re: Pizza-Empire(Intro) [Re: aztec] #132730
05/30/07 20:11
05/30/07 20:11
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,215
I
ISG Offline

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ISG  Offline

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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,215
Well grammer is easy to read over or have friends on here read over, we'd be more than happy to help you correct those errors or difficulties.

Personally I don't think adding rain or snow into a rural sounding area would fit real well, though in real-life it does occur, making it a simple to understand environment is really all you need. Just focus on bringing out the full feel of a rural city block.

And I believe you need to pay much attention to every section of the game, even though this is just the intro, it is also the players FIRST IMPRESSION!! Think about that.

And for gray bars, make them black and thinner (not taking up so much screen area). I played with that idea before and I liked how it came out with black. Actually it can work out pretty well if it's not so "bulky" and big.


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Re: Pizza-Empire(Intro) [Re: ISG] #132731
05/30/07 20:16
05/30/07 20:16
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 2,332
Germany, BaWü
aztec Offline OP

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aztec  Offline OP

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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 2,332
Germany, BaWü
Okay Tank you so much for these tips
I allways fell honored if a Mod replies in my thread
but these tips are great
so thiner black bars
and tighter city atmosphere
I understand
Regards
Aztec


Visit:
schwenkschuster-design.de
Re: Pizza-Empire(Intro) [Re: aztec] #132732
05/31/07 08:19
05/31/07 08:19
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 819
U.S.
Why_Do_I_Die Offline
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Why_Do_I_Die  Offline
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 819
U.S.
Seriously man , a lot more cartoony , the level has a very serious and gloomy feel to it , from what I understand this should be something like dinner dash , check out their game and they gfx , that style is better suited for this type of game.

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