finally, someone found the word i was searching for the whole time, thanks Joozey.

agnosticism - ignosticism.

what consequence does the existence of a god / the nonexistence of a god have? that's a good summary of all the questions i wanted you to answer. for me, it is not important if he exists, i try to follow his ( = god's? christ's?) rules nevertheless because they are mostly my own perusuation and i think they could turn the world into a better place. i call myself a christian and the church has always had some place in my life, though i haven't shown up there too regularly, maybe once in a month.

finally, one more question: do you have to believe in god to be a good christian?