ChrisTodd,
I am willing to accept my human nature as contradictory, you are not; this is why I stated that you search for black and white. My ultimate goal is to redefine what black and white really are, at the heart. For instance I am willing to suppose that reason and understanding do not exist. They are equally as valid patterns of thought as any other, in my view. As I stated, when I say anything of any confidence, I say it with the supposition that I may be completely wrong. My humanity rejects your structure of belief, but I am always willing to accept the possibility that it is wrong to do so. This is why my particular life is filled with so much uncertainty, until I finally come to a (tentative) conclusion on things, one by one. It can be taken seriously or not, but it may just be the only way to get to the bottom of all this. I find it hard to accept that simply explaining everything away, allowing oneself to be assimilated into a snowball of like-thinkers, reading a text and just believing it, without any specific cause to believe that specific text, is the correct way to go.

But I am willing to accept that there are other possibilities. Our views may in fact be intertwined; perhaps we are both as close to being right as the other. There is a reason I don't call myself an atheist. I refuse to assume.