LOL, i went the hard way and used win32, i forgot about video_window.
Here is how it looks now after modifying the engine window...
This seems to be promising although there might be a couple of issues with hooking input and resizing when the parent form is moved / resized. I think on_message can be used to send the engine's message loop to another window.
I'll keep at it and post the code if anyone wants it. There is a restriction that it will only work for a MDIForm, so we would still need the hWndTarget working to render into other forms/controls.
This method of embedding the form inside a parent form doesn't actually need to use any part of the wrapper. You can do this by running Process.Start(), and retrieving the handle to the engine window. I just used the wrapper because it exposes the hWnd variable nicer.