If a fly has no wings would you call it? a walk?
yes

If a food processor slices and dices food, what does a word processor do?
your mum

If a hen and a half can lay an egg and a half in a day and a half, how long would it take a monkey with a wooden leg to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle?
3 and a half time

If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?
yes because the walkman iis running with the man AND he walks thus the sound is faster from the walkman then the speed of yound and thus you can listen to your riddculous anime openin gosngs until your ears bleed

If a mime commits suicide, does he use a silencer?
of course not. where woudl be the irony?

If a mirror reverses right and left, why doesn't it reverse up and down?
because then your ass would talk shit man...

If a picture is worth a thousand words, what is a picture of a thousand words worth?
two thousands words and one helluva transport to your room. imagine, them words not shutting up

If a pig is sold to the pawn shop, is it a ham-hock?
no its a chess piece

If a pizza place sells pizza by the slice, is there a guy in the back tossing a triangle in the air?
only if you pick up the 52

If a pronoun is a word used in place of a noun, is a proverb a word used in place of a verb?
no its a professional verb. like your mom is a pro****

If a tree falls in the forest, does the earth scream out in pain?
only if no-one is around

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
neither, he is cold

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
your moms p***y

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
because god would kill you with a terrorist... a white terrorist... without a beard... and a bible in his hand...

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, does absolute powerlessness make you pure?
no, just fail

If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?
the OJ lawsuit

Do clowns wear really big socks?
only if they wear small shoes

Do crematoriums give discounts to burn victims?
of course not. you dont give discounts to an already used woman either

Do files get embarrassed when they get unzipped?
no they are like cats.. they have 7zips

Do fish get thirsty?
only for coke... in cans... liek it should be...

Do hummingbirds hum because they don't know the words?
no they hum because singing when shitting on your car is hard

Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?
yes. and after their meal they go for a drink into a crowbar

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
only if the infancy comes with a bottle of poo

ps.: im not sure if its your mum, could be his aswell *points down*